Part 12~ The Funeral

Preparing for the post today, I have taken the time to listen twice to the audio recording of Hailee's funeral service. This is the first time in nearly 5 years that I have pulled this out to listen to it. Until now, I have come across it a few times, always just putting it back away, until I was "ready".

Not really sure what "ready" really is, we listened to it anyway. It was........ actually..... beautiful. It started out with music from our friend, Mark Kuefler that I didn't even realize was done, likely because it started before we entered the church. The first song on the recording is "One more day" by Diamond Rio.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuE1XJ_uqOs

Listening to it after these years have passed was ironically, helpful. The service truly was very beautiful and although I knew that at the time, I had forgotten just how amazing it was.

The first hymn, read after the opening prayer from Pastor Norm was "Jesus Loves Me".

1. Jesus loves me! This I know,
   For the Bible tells me so;
   Little ones to Him belong;
   They are weak, but He is strong.
   • Refrain:
     Yes, Jesus loves me!
     Yes, Jesus loves me!
     Yes, Jesus loves me!
     The Bible tells me so.
2. Jesus loves me! This I know,
   As He loved so long ago,
   Taking children on His knee,
   Saying, “Let them come to Me.”
3. Jesus loves me still today,
   Walking with me on my way,
   Wanting as a friend to give
   Light and love to all who live.
4. Jesus loves me! He who died
   Heaven’s gate to open wide;
   He will wash away my sin,
   Let His little child come in.
5. Jesus loves me! He will stay
   Close beside me all the way;
   Thou hast bled and died for me,
   I will henceforth live for Thee.

We could not think of a more appropriate hymn to sing for such a beautiful and special young girl. First, through cracked voices and then through shaky notes, the congregation began to sing with all of their hearts. After the song, Pastor Norm came on again and talked to us. Told us how sorry he and everyone was that we had to be sitting there that day. Told us, and God, that we do not understand. Boy was he right. this made no sense. As I listened to him retell the story, I could go right back there again. He then announced that there would be a number of speakers. Our sister-in-law, Sami was to read Psalm 103:1, 2, 11-18; Matthew 11:28-30. 

Psaml 103 1, 2
¹ Praise the Lord, my soul;
    all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
² Praise the Lord, my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits—

11-18
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his love for those who fear him;
¹² as far as the east is from the west,
    so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

¹³ As a father has compassion on his children,
    so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
¹⁴ for he knows how we are formed,
    he remembers that we are dust.
¹⁵ The life of mortals is like grass,
    they flourish like a flower of the field;
¹⁶ the wind blows over it and it is gone,
    and its place remembers it no more.
¹⁷ But from everlasting to everlasting
    the Lord’s love is with those who fear him,
    and his righteousness with their children’s children—
¹⁸ with those who keep his covenant
    and remember to obey his precepts.

Matthew 11 28-30

²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

This was read, however Chad's bother Mike read it in place of Sami. She had written something of her own and we wanted her to read it. It was wonderful. She captured who Hailee was very well and I think the congregation really appreciated her words. Hailee and Sami had become very close to one another and it was difficult for Sami to do this task. She looked amazing, dressed in her homeland clothing from Nepal. She was too short for the microphone, so that had to be adjusted. She did us all proud. 

Chad's sister Sarah read the scripture John 11: 17-35 

¹⁷ On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. ¹⁸ Now Bethany was less than two miles^[b] from Jerusalem, ¹⁹ and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. ²⁰ When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home.
²¹ “Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. ²² But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.”
²³ Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”
²⁴ Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”
²⁵ Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; ²⁶ and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”
²⁷ “Yes, Lord,” she replied, “I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.”
²⁸ After she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary aside. “The Teacher is here,” she said, “and is asking for you.” ²⁹ When Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went to him. ³⁰ Now Jesus had not yet entered the village, but was still at the place where Martha had met him. ³¹ When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there.
³² When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”
³³ When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. ³⁴ “Where have you laid him?” he asked.
“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.
³⁵ Jesus wept.

That last verse. "Jesus Wept". I believe he indeed did weep when precious Hailee died. We believe he cried for her, for us and for her Heavenly family. This is part of the reason (along with the conversation from the car when Hailee told me that Jesus was there and that she was okay) made me not be angry with God. I believe he wept, right along side of us. I do not believe she was "chosen" or that God needed another Angel. I believe she was his daughter too, and HE WEPT. 

Next in the line-up was Pastor Jeremy. He read Hailee's obituary (noted in a previous post) and a letter from Hailee's brother, Justin. Justin's letter read: 

"I know being a big brother means you pick on your little sister. There are fights, or giggles. Either one means that I loved her so much that I would fight an entire army for her. She knows that we loved her. I wish I could say more, but there are no words to express the love I had for her. None to express how important she was to me. And Hailee, I know you can hear me. I love you so much that I can't bear to say it. I love you and always will. I want to thank you all for coming and I know you all loved with all your hearts. 

Hailee's big brother, Justin. 

Sigh..... 

Next up was my older sister, Heather. She read a note that we had prepared in advance and I think added some words of her own. She did a marvelous job. How pressured all of these speakers must have felt, how scary. I would not have wanted to be in their shoes for anything. But, even more than me not wanting to be in their shoes, I absolutely never ever wanted them to be in mine. 

After Heather spoke, a song selected by Chad was played. It was called "Youth" by Collective Soul. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRdXQ9fmQVw  

Such a fitting song.... love it to this day. 

After a short prayer, Mark Kuefler played two more songs. One I remember so well, called "Hey God" 

One part of the song, Mark had changed the lyrics a bit and sung "Hey God, tell Sweet Hailee, Welcome Home". 

I had completely forgotten about that too! So heart warming to listen to it back. 

Next was the meditation from Pastor Norm, where he lovingly spoke of our Kitchen Friends and compared our friends and family to the scripture reading from John 11, where Mary and Martha's kitchen friends helped them in their time of need, when Lazarus died. It was very touching and made a difference to us and our thought process. 

Next was another hymn, chosen by my sister Heather, called "Here I am, Lord". 

I, the Lord of sea and sky
I have heard my people cry
All who dwell in dark and sin
My hand will save.

I who made the stars and night
I will make the darkness bright
Who will bear my light to them
Whom shall I send?

Here I am Lord
Is it I Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night
I will go Lord
If you lead me
I will hold your people in my heart.

I the Lord of snow and rain
I have borne my people's pain
I have wept for love of them
They turn away.

I will break their hearts of stone
Fill their hearts with love alone
I will speak my word to them
Whom shall I send?

Here I am Lord
Is it I Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night
I will go Lord
If you lead me
I will hold your people in my heart.


The next song was my choice. I had selected "Come to Jesus" by Mindy Smith. I cry to this day when I hear it. I used to sing it to the kids before Hailee died, always wanting them to know that Jesus had their back.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsRHbFYyGU

 A final benediction was said, and that was it. We were ushered out of the church and outside where Hailee's body was brought out by the pal bearers and placed in the funeral hearse. A short service was completed at the hearse. then, the car drove off, heading to the crematory for Hailee's body to undergo the cremation process that we had decided on. It was HELL on earth. Away she went from us, one last time.

I remember the heat of the day beating off the pavement and up to us. I remember literally hundreds of people weeping. There were 600 people at the funeral that day. It was too much. My mind focused on Chad and the boys and I needed them within a foot of me at all times. I think maybe they felt the same way.

We meandered back through the flood of people, back into the church to the room where the luncheon was being held.

I wish to this day that I had a photo of that room. It was unbelievable. Our Kitchen Friends had done such an amazing job at preparing the meal and decorating for the luncheon. This funeral did not have the normal hot dishes, cold sandwiches and salads that is normal funeral food. It was a full chicken dinner. There was a fountain of punch on a table. There were fresh flowers on every table and personalized place mats with Hailee's photos on them. I want to say there might have balloons or streamers too, but can't be sure. Everything was very pretty, and very pink. She would have loved it.

I tried to eat. I really, really did. It had been nearly a week and my intake was way down. Everything just kept getting stuck in my throat when I tried to eat. I looked at my plate at Hailee's favorite meal and decided I would eat the chicken. Determined to eat her favorite food, I was able to get some down. People came by and hugged us and spoke with us and said goodbye. We answered them and hugged them back. It was all we could do. This is the very lowest and saddest I had ever felt in my life. The ants on the ground could look down on me at this point. I wanted to go home.

Before we could leave the church, we had to manage the beautiful floral arrangements that were all still sitting in the main part of the church. There were 53 of them (we counted). What in the world could we do with 53 floral arrangements? We dug in and began to sort. We would have some brought to Parmly (the nursing home where I worked) and some brought to Hailee's school. Close family and friends would take home some and we brought home as many as we could. Susan and Paul at Mattsons had taken the time to photograph each and every arrangement and had them put in the back of our guest book, labeled with who gave them so we have a permanent record of those generous gifts. They thought of EVERYTHING!

We loaded up and headed for home, a few miles down the road. Staff from Mattsons hauled things home with and for us including all the photos and items we had brought and the flowers we were taking home. Even the box of cards was huge and had to be hauled.

Then.... we were home. Family around us. Staring at each other. Now what? NOW WHAT????

All for now,

Heidi